I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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