Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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