blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
