I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
