It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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