you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
