the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
