Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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