my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
