Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
