and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
