dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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