well I can't set my house on fire every night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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