I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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