omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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