I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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