3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
