Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
