census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
