I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
