I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
