Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize