On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize