I just saw a hot homeless man
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
