Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
