While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
