i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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