Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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