Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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