I got chris browned last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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