I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
