Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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