She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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