ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
