It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
