Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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