I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
