idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
