a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
