I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you traded sex for a burrito?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
