Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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