Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
