I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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