So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
