you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
