I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
