i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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