K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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