She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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