I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Help. Why am I so naked?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
