You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
