And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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