the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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