oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
