I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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