He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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