Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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