My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
