You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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