Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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