dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
