I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
