you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
