she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
