he wants to bone in the snuggie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
