69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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