So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
