i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
