If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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