Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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