I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize