i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You ate ashes out of my bong
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
