Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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