Don't you send me to vm
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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