I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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