You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am available for nakedness
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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