Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sober January is a disaster.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
